Today's The Day

So today is the day.


All of the feelings, worries, sadness, happiness I have felt over the past few weeks and months comes to today, and in the end means nothing right now.  I am glad I have gone through what I have had to endure recently,  I feel stronger in myself, and stronger as a person to know a little more about love and life for my next 'real' relationship.  These things are sent to test us, and just as Kelly Clarkson says - what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.  Have a ganders at the video. G'wan Clarkson!

This feeling seems to happen to me all time when I make a big decision or I am about to start a new part of my life, I know about what will happen, what to expect and feel like I am ready.  Then the day of departure comes and you realise the exact scale of things.  This morning, my Mom and I said our goodbyes and up until that point I was thinking to myself, oh its okay I will see you very soon its not the end of the world.  Then she told me, well actually James don't say that, I don't know when I will next see you.  She then left and I began to read her blog (http://mandysmidlifemayhem.blogspot.com/) which is when it hit me and realised that I won't be an hour and a half down the road anymore.  This is not the first time I have had this feeling, but it just shows that you still surprise yourself, and it's not like this feeling is going to kill me but I love my family and will be sad to say goodbye again until the next time, but more than anything, I am excited for whats about to happen in my life!!


With Gaz, just finishing off with a student of his and certifying all of the courses he has completed, its time for us both to tie up loose ends, and get ready for the big change.  For me, its easy, I had an unsuccessful bout with the Dubai Police which is something I said I would do for someone before I left, but unfortunately was unsuccessful.  I had a couple of visa challenges late on, a few different communications with all things scuba including a change of region with PADI and then the final almighty task of packing.  Wow.  

With 250 people aboard, the last thing I need
is a suitcase the size of 5 small Thai men.

If you have ever emigrated, or moved house then you will understand the difficult challenge and thought behind what and how to pack your case.  I recently went out to by a more 'travel-friendly' bag, and ended up with what looks like a huge Nike gym bag.  I'm pretty happy with it and saves me carting a heavy duty suitcase around the knackered streets of Bangkok and struggling fitting it in 'Tuk-Tuk's' as we move around.  The past few days have included trying to get every document that I need or potentially need whilst I am there and convert or find a substitute to a digital version, not easy, but I seem to have done it quite easily - until I arrive in Thailand and realise I have forgotten something. 


I have very little scuba equipment with me right now, and I will be looking to buy almost all of the standard kit whilst I am there, however the things I do have are big.. and heavy.  Having only 30kg baggage allowance is not much when you consider a complete life swap is happening. So after deciding that I need all of my shorts and t-shirts and saying goodbye to hoodies, jeans and my beloved leather jacket, I finally finished packing. I find it quite funny that although I complain about not having much weight allowance to relocate everything I own, I think its a case of 'having eyes bigger than your belly'.  My whole life and all of my possessions fit into my bag with space left, and weighs roughly 20kg.  Quite sad really.  


One thing that I am grateful for and very happy with is the fact that I have managed to get hold of a camera for my travels.  It just so happened to be, that Paul, my step-dad, had decided to go out and by a new camera - after my Mom decided to go swimming with his old one.  After looking over it and seeing that it comes with a top-notch underwater camera housing (needed for underwater photography), I decided to buy it off him before I go, instead of buying electronics when I get to Bangkok.  I think the fact that it was a top deal, and the fact I didn't want to buy faulty goods in Thailand swung it for me. 


So now, I am set.  Bags packed and sorted, passports and visa sorted, documentation sorted, camera sorted.  I have that obligatory feeling that I have forgotten something important, but that is normal and I am sure that I have everything I need for the trip.  I have thought about letting people know that I am leaving today but decided against it.  I will keep in touch with any person that wants to keep in contact with me, but to save myself the conversations about 'where I'm going, how long, what I'm doing' etc. Its easier to get up and go.  In the same breathe, I thought during the past days whether to contact my ex and let her know what I am doing etc.  I decided to do it.  People might moan at me and say 'what are you doing James, why are you doing this to yourself', but I am confident that my mindset is over her, despite the fact my heart is still slightly attached, I am happiest whilst knowing that I can contact her letting her know, after all I had the time of my life with that girl.  I do not expect a reply, do not want a reply and now I am happy in myself that every loose end possible has been tied up.  


Now, its a waiting game, until 11.30pm tonight until we head for Bahrain, then a 7 hour flight to Bangkok, for James Clark's new exciting life.  Good times.


JC